Last night, I dreamt... (Imaginative Writing Task in English Language lesson)
Last night I dreamt of my grandfather whom I have never met in the 15 years of my ilfe. I am guessing that I was a pure little kid in the dream since my grandfather had to push me on a swing as my legs weren’t long enough to reach the ground.
When he smiled, his eyes looked like a half moon that is lightning the earth during silent night time when everyone was asleep. When he blew his nose, it sounded like a furious, fierce rhino trying to chase its enemy. His mouth, telling my dad’s childhood story, wasn’t stop moving like a dashing marathoner. We were in a huge national park like the famous Central Park in New York, with the exception that there were no one except me and him. There were no parents, no brothers, no puppies, just me and him.
It was foggy, chilly and a bit cloudy autumn day. The trees along the road have shed their leaves. The roads were full of brownish red, powerless leaves fallen from the oak trees. I was holding his pleasant, balmy, wide hand and was walking through a path with trees standing along the trail. I felt the most comfort at the moment when suddenly he lifted me up and piggy-backed me. It was his cosy, thick wool coat that was stroking my tiny head. He started mumbling words that I couldn’t understand. I think he was saying how beautiful the weather was.
We both laid on the bluish green grass which was soft as feather. The tall blue sky captivated my heart and nearly sucked my soul like a hoover inhaling every single dust. He was too familiar for me to say that I have never met him. He was my best friend who can never fall apart every moment. Every once in a while he drew a long deep breath as if he is struggling with matter that no one else could have known. I could smell the scent of highly made Cuban cigar from every breath he breathed. It was a strong and shocking smell, yet relaxing me. His flexuous wrinkles on his forehead wwew wiggling back and forth as if an earthworm was trying to escape from a deep hole. We stood up and started to dance along the classic waltz music. His long, checked coat brushed the grass and my light violet day dress inflated like a balloon as I turned round and round. I felt like the time has stopped; perhaps I hoped the time has stopped. With the exception of leaves falling from the trees and us dancing, everything was being stopped. However, the bright blue sky started to change into a orangey scarlet sky like a yolk of a soft-boiled egg.
We stealthily gazed at the changing sky, leaning on each other’s shoulder and fell into a deep, gentle sleep.
Teacher's comment
This is a beautiful piece of description. Well done. Expression needs a little more precision.
Stealthily: this suggests furtiveness and it doesn't seem quite appropriate here. (We stealthily gazed at the sky) The definition in terms of dictionary is to 'Marked by or acting with quiet, caution, and secrecy intended to avoid notice.' So instead of 'Stealthily', the word 'serenely' , 'silently' will do.
