Should government influence on people's diets?

I believe that it is reasonable for the government to influence people’s diets. The government is a group which controls and leads the nation so its policies will always have a huge influence on its citizens’ lives.

First of all, a healthy diet is an important factor in wellbeing, and which can improve our quality of life. Since many people nowadays are used to eating unhealthy food (such as fast food, which you can find very easily outside.),there is a huge increase of obesity. This can create difficulties when it comes to living a healthy and ordinary life. These difficulties include tiredness, lethargy and if the situation is more serious, depression. The government’s encouragement of people to have healthy diet can affect massively on their work as well. It would advance the quality of work as they are healthy in both physical and mental way. This can lead to an increase of happiness which reduces people’s stress and would inspire them to work harder. This would improve people’s daily life and will possibly make them happier.

Secondly, if the government influenced people in regards to their diet it would not only create a positive influence on the individual’s health, but it would also benefit the nation as a whole. Suggesting that people have healthy meals and encouraging them to exercise can surely reduce obesity throughout the nation. Reduce of obesity means increase of life expectancy. A higher life expectancy shows that the country is wealthy and well-developed. It is a way to become a healthy country. Healthy people means a healthy country. Furthermore, this kind of healthy atmosphere throughout the nation can give a positive and approving global image to other countries. This gives the nation pride and can bring the nation together. Therefore, the government should influence people’s diets considering its positive effects on society and the nation.

Lastly, it is a difficult and demanding challenge for people to have healthy diet without the government’s support. To give an example, students tend to get higher grades in exams when their parents are encouraging and assisting them to study. This is because the student is aware of the importance of academics and is naturally taught to study hard by their surroundings. This connects with the idea that the government’s encouragement of a healthy diet will give be great influence to the nation, since they would encourage citizens like a parent encourages a child. Having to go on a diet in unhelpful surroundings is like being a student without any encouragement and with limited learning materials. They will simply not get the best results. The laws, policies and advertisements made by the government will strongly influence society, making it easier for people to have healthy daily routine.

Some people might think that people surely have the right to eat whatever they want, regardless of the fact that junk food is going to make them unhealthy. This is true, however, as long as the government strongly forces people to have healthy diet, there will be no opposition towards it. This is because it is considerate of the government to think about our health. The government’s moderate and deliberate policy regarding health, will satisfy people with its reasonable concern for the nation’s wealth. Therefore, the government should influence people’s diets. This will bring about lots of positive changes among individuals, and give society wealth, pride and happiness.

~Compliments and tips from the teacher~

Compliments

1. Good structure.

2. First sentence 'I believe that it is reasonable for the government to influence on people's diets' was a strong, clear message and this shows that I have read the question since I use (repeat) the words in the question such as 'government, influence, diets'.

3. The beginning of second paragraph was a good sentence to start with since it clearly shows the readers what to expect from this paragraph.

4. The last sentece in third paragraph, 'Therefore, the government should influence people’s diets considering its positive effects on society and the nation.' concludes the paragraph very well and it is not saying anything new and repeats what I have just said. This reminds the readers what they have read and emphasises your whole idea of what I explained. It could go in a concluding paragraph though.

5. The last good point is the use of metaphor in the argumentative essay.'Having to go on a diet in unhelpful surroundings is like being a student without any encouragement and with limited learning materials.' picks out my point clearly, comparing how poor conditions or unsupportive surroundings will affect on a person on a diet and a student.This captures readers while reading.

Tips

1. Try to use more bold, assertive words. Even if you are a young student writing this, imagine you're a politician and be concise and assured. Use words like 'would, will, must, should' rather than 'possibly, might, maybe'. This will make my argumentative essay more strong and persuasive.

2. Use facts and statistics to improve the quality of my essay. This doesn't have to be real but believable.

3. Use more comparisons like the one I made of a student and a person on a diet. This will help reader to easily understand what I am arguing about and gives an emphasis on my opinion.

4. Moreover,be clear about what I'm purposing. Mention about the way of government improving the situation. Giver some ideas about it. For example, I can say 'The government should ban people consuming fast food' or 'The government should put a tax on it.' This will hold my arguments together and this will give me a better mark.

5. Be careful with tenses. I generally wrote in present tense however, in some occasions there are future tenses to be used. Also, check again if the action is present or something that happend temporarily.

6. Be careful with prepositions. I always use ‘to’ when you should be using other propositions such as ‘with’ or ‘for’. For example, ‘in comparison to’ should be ‘in comparison with.’